Beware of whitening products

Have any of you tried Olay Total White cream? (This is not an advertisement la. lol..)

Total white extra fair cream (for darker complexion)

Total white spot lightening cream


I've used it few months ago and found that upon application of the cream it instantly brightened up my skin. Initially I thought maybe after washing it off my face will turned back to its original dark complexion. Out of curiosity, I washed my face after applying it the face still remain as fair!

After applying it for a week my face complexion is far too fair as compared with my neck (I was lazy to apply it on the neck sometimes. Teehee) Everyone who met me exclaimed that I became fairer and I looked nicer. So I was really in love with this product. Summore this product is dirt cheap, only RM3.90 for 20g. Without second thought I used it everyday and when it ran out I bought new ones to continue using it.

Lately it's used up again and I wanted to buy a new one to top up my stock. But when I went to Guardian I couldn't find any on the shelf! So I bought myself Olay White Radiance instead. After that I had been wondering what happened to Olay Total White? So I went to Google up for this product. Couldn't find whether it's banned or something. But found a NST news article I found from Malaysian Babes Forum about several whitening products being banned from the market due to the presence of hydroquinone and mercury in the products.

Research shows that high concentration of hydroquinone might cause cancer. Furthermore, it also can cause irritation to the skin. Mercury can cause liver and kidney damage.

The article opened my eyes on the active ingredients in these whitening products and pushed me to read more on the activities of these compounds in the melanin production pathway. There are several active ingredients used in whitening products: non-toxic ones such as arbutin, vitamin C, glycyrrhetinic acid, kojic acid, melanostat and retinol, and toxic ones such as hydroquinone and mercury.

The functions of most of the these compounds are ultimately similar, that is to inhibit the production of melanin which is responsible for the darkening of the skin. As compared to hydroquinone and mercury, the non-toxic compounds are way more expensive than the toxic compounds (Quote from the NST news "Thailand sells for about US$20 (RM70) per kilogramme of mercury-based ingredients or hydroquinone, compared with highly concentrated licorice extract, which sells for about US$20,000 per kilogramme".

This struck me really hard. If hydroquinone or mercury salts is RM70/kg, 20g of the compound is RM1.40. And the Total White is RM3.90 for 20g. Hmm.. looks like it... I better throw it away.



Note: This is just my simple guess. I can't find any proof that Total White is banned from the government.

Don't worry be happy =)

Are you complaining about your life?

Your life sucks?

Watch this. And you will cherish your life more.



Inspired? I cried when I watched this video.

When someone who doesn't have limbs can face life so optimistically, who are you to complain?


This guy called Nicholas Vujicic was born without arms and legs.

People look at him differently. And he got bullied when he was young. He tried to commit suicide when he was 8 but luckily didn't. It was a key turning point in his life when his mum showed him a newspaper article about a man dealing with severe disability. He was then deeply motivated. After that he became optimistic and he even started to give inspirational speech when he was only 17!

He graduated from college at the age of 21 with a double major in Accounting and Financial Planning. After that he began traveling as a motivational speaker.

If he can deal with his life and the one-kind perceptions from people around him, why can't we?

So, like what the song tells us:


Don't worry, be happy!

Save Our Waterfalls

I'm going to do something really different this weekend!

Instead of trekking, I'm gonna clean up a waterfall. =)



(click for larger image)


Last time went to Kanching twice (one was recce before going for a picnic, one was the picnic). Coz the waterfall was commercialized, pavements and bridges were built, pools too. Many people go there to picnic and throw all the leftover there. Some even bring shampoo to shower there. Sigh.. Dun they know that usage of shampoos in river is restricted? It will kill the fish downstream.. Sigh..


The culture of just leaving the leftovers like that after having the meal. [Shakes head]


This spot is the most dirtiest spot in Kanching. Cannot see clearly from here. But you might be able to see stuff like plastic bags and polystyrene floating on the water at the very left of the picture.

It was really dirty. During the recce I walked around picking up the plastic bags "abandoned" beside the pavements while walking up the hill. But one person is not enough to do all the cleaning. Especially those rubbish stuck in the stagnant water which need some nets and sticks.


This Sunday, I'm gonna make this waterfall glitter in cleanliness. Hehe.. And gonna meet new faces there too! Can't wait to meet people who have the same cause with me. =D



But I think prevention is always better than cure. I hope one day the public will understand the importance of keeping the nature clean. As long as we always remember the rules:

"Leave only footsteps, take only photographs"

If everyone follow this rule, I believe the nature will always be well sustained!



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Love love love this song from a Korean drama, Painter of the Wind! This singer has very unique voice. Very soft but thick. Aiya.. Dunno how to describe la.. Very nice lo. After hear his voice I feel as if I'm melting. lol.

Life is short

Recently I realized that we had grown old so much. Old as in we are starting to dissolve ourselves into the society without knowing. Realized the differences when we had totally different topics to talk about during a yamcha session.

You know you are slowly dissolving into the society and also getting older when the conversation during yamcha sessions cover these topics:

1. Who's getting married
2. Which ex-classmate gave birth to a baby
3. Reach target reach target!
4. Bonus bonus!
5. My job is #*&$#*$%^$*!!
6. Pay installments for car, houses and loans
7. Don't have time to meet up with friends due to work
8. Imagining pregnant and giving birth being a very painful process (among girls)

(Sorry but I dunno about guy's conversation. Hehe)

Oh! I really don't want to face all these coz I'm not ready to getting older yet. Sigh. Life is so cruel. Lately I realized that everyone around me is paying for car or house installments, or is getting married, I realized that I'm still behaving like a teenager. Or maybe I still don't have the ability to do so, either financial or romance wise?

Should I be happy that at least I can enjoy life during my 20s or should I start worrying that I'm so many steps behind them?

Sigh. Pushing us to become more matured and take up more responsibilities, life is cruel indeed.


But, on second thought, sometimes we need to do some young crazy stuff to prevent ourselves from getting older (and also to release ourselves from the stress we got every day), right?

Just like these old people playing wii at home.

Life is short, live it to the fullest!

So, let's sama-sama anti-ageing yo!

Oh MY GAWD! Jason Mraz is coming to KL!

Last month I've already known that Jason Mraz is coming to Malaysia in some time in March.

But, at that time I was thinking "Jason is from US. The concert ticket sure very expensive one. Sure more than RM100 one. Dun need to go la... Summore, I dun have anyone to go with. So, no need to go la.. "

Then when I heard the advertisement again on My FM about giving away tickets. I was like "Argh! I want the free tix! I dun mind going alone!"

Plus, his guitar skills is cool! Way beyond cool! The way he pluck and strum. Sometimes very lively and sometimes emotional. Awww. I wanna go see him play guitar!

Dun believe me? See it yourself on this video.


And then I waited till this week to listen to the radio again for the ad (I dun have radio at home. Hehe) the ad is no longer aired! Hmpph! How unfair...

Dunno still got tickets left or not? =( Who has extra tickets?



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Heard that this year's Earth Hour will be on 28th March 8.30pm for one hour.

Last year I did participated in Earth Hour 2008. And I'm definitely planning to participate this year too.

Even shopping malls turned off their lights?!! Wow.. I doubt Malaysia shopping mall would do that. lol.

Let's enjoy the tiny contribution to saving the earth during this hour! =)

Read here for more info: http://www.earthhour.org/about/

Dream hard

Had been reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho recently since before CNY. I read it on and off whenever I have free time and whenever it is within my reach. Just now I read till the part where the shepherd finally fulfilled his dream after such a long and tiring journey. When I read until the part where he knelt down and weep in front of the pyramid, I have a sudden urge of weeping too. The joy of reaching the goal after all the hardship. It was the passion which pushed him towards his dreams. I almost weep for him.

I love adventure when I was very little. When I was 7 I love to go to the halfway constructed empty house with my neighbour and observed the worms crawling here and there on the ground, and touched the dirt in the moulded unwanted place. I climbed tables and jumped down to the floor in my house imitating superman and got scolded by my parents. Some time in the middle of my childhood, something changed me into a coward who stay only in the comfort zone. I didn't even dare to think twice on my dad's suggestion to go for a singing lesson given by his friend even though I know I love singing, just because I think staying in the comfort zone was better and because I didn't want to meet new people. I was seriously introvert to the extent that I didn't even walk around in the class and make noise when the teacher was not around (Now I think I've wasted my teenager life!)

When I was at my rebellious age, I was only wild in my dreams. I visioned myself to reach the top of Mount KK, I visioned myself to cross the river in Endau-Rompin National Park, I visioned to volunteer myself as a teacher in Cambodia. But having dreams is better than not having them. Maybe I was too keen about them last time, I think something is pushing me towards the dreams. But of course, this also have to do with my recent behaviour about stepping (slightly) out of my comfort zone. This action not only changed my perspective towards life but is also helping me achieve my ancient dreams almost 10 years ago.

One of my dreams - to climb the Mount KK - is going to be achieved soon! I'm anticipating to watch the world from KK!

And maybe a sea of clouds.

Kinabalu I'm coming!

I believe dreams, whatever they are, and how ancient they were, will come true sooner or later. It just depends on how much passions we put into the dreams we're having, don't you think?

Shifted house

Hey folks! Sorry I haven't been updating my blog for SIX days!

Actually I was shifting house from USJ to Sunway on Sunday. I only manage to set up my PC on Tuesday. It was a dread to me not being able to go online for 2 days! Plus these few days the connection hasn't been good.

Guess what? I went nuts when I could not find the power cable linked to the CPU when I was setting up the PC. I went searching in the whole (new) room but couldn't find it. But I remember I had cleared the old room in USJ before I left the room. I was frantically telling my mum that I could not even switch my PC on without the cable! Then my clever mum told me that I actually can use the cable we use for rice cookers. I quickly ended the conversation with mum and tried it with the rice cooker cable. It worked! When the screen came alive I almost danced around my PC worshipping the rice cooker cable. lol.

Wednesday night went to a motivational talk in Damansara which was pretty enlightening. After listening to it, I feel more courageous facing problems in life. Grab some of the great lines I got from the talk:

1. We get what we ARE, not what we WANT
-meaning: what you get in your life now is actually a reflection of you character and behaviour. So you are the one who is fully responsible on the incidents around you, good or bad. Which is quite common sense isn't it?

2. The future will be the same if you dun change yourself
-So start changing today into a suitable person (more confident, cheerful, wise, determined) in life fitting into the requirements to get what you want in your life!

3. Master your mind, don't be mastered by your mind
-Control yourself from being slacking, being low confident, moody etc. because we are the one who should control our mind and deeds, not our feelings.

4. This too will pass
- This is a sentence you should always tell yourself when you are in bad times. Because bad times will pass. And we must not forget that good time will pass too.


And a confident person will tell him/herself that

"The world is a better place because I'm living in it"



p/s: The new neighbour has two very very pretty dogs. I'm gonna try get closer with them slowly. Keke..

p/p/s: Not yet taken a photo of my house. Actually its' just like normal house. So I'm still thinking wanna post it up or not.. Plus, I'm worry about privacy issue.

Sleep deprived...

Had always wanted to post this video already. Leehom's new song- "What happened to rock music?" I think it's nice especially the combination of electronic guitar and 琵琶 (a chinese traditional musical instrument) part.

VS

But the MV is a bit too normal, typical western style rock star MV. But what's more important is the music right? =)

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These few days kept saying wrong things:

1. Wanted to say autoclave but said photostat instead.
I asked my lab mates "Who want to photostat Schott bottles?" lol.. If only the bottles can be photocopied. hehe

2. This one is in mandarin: 向男生表白 becomes 向男生漂白. ROTFL [Roll On The Floor Laughing]

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Argh. So many things to do recently.

1. Have to prepare for the exhibition of Raleigh Asia Regional Conference. Due date is very soon which is next Tuesday! And now I still have no idea how to do le.
2. My chemistry class preparation.
3. Teaching swimming on Friday. Gonna practice my backstroke already. Keke..
4. Moving house! Not yet pack my stuff. Oh and I must remember to call up the owner to settle the deposit.
5. And omg omg! Should I go to the Gunung Ruil trip. end of the month? The stay in Orang Asli's house is really new to me. =( But hor. I know nobody there. =(
6. And etc etc etc. Will only tell here what is etc etc etc when I succeed. Keke.

Sometimes I hope I can just lie on the bed staring at the ceiling and basically just doing nothing. But normally when I have the time to do that, I will end up watching dramas or movies.

Ok. Off to finish up my etc etc etc stuff first. Ciao~~


p/s: Yeay. Obama won the election! Am so happy! Actually I should say I'm envious of America. Coz second class citizen is never going to become prime minister in Malaysia ever. I'm so proud of white Americans who voted Obama because they are willing to accept second class citizen as their leader. I respect them!

Sentimental

I just finish reading Su Ann's peer review. Then this line in the review struck me like lightning --"This is a girl (refers to Su Ann) who goes to orphanages on her own to teach English and to geriatric wards just to spend time with the elderly". It struck me because I have been thinking and dreaming of going to volunteer since 2 years ago. And I even filled in a form for an orphanage volunteering programme. But I didn't send in the form. Till now I am yet to volunteer in any homes except for the fundraising I did with my fellow Charlieans to bring the YMCA deaf society kids out for a day trip. But, that fundraising itself is not self-initiated coz it was a compulsory project after a weekend camp. For all these 2 years I have been imagining myself reading story books to the kids in the homes or teaching Down syndrome kids doing art crafts. But all the while I had only been imagining it. After reading the peer review, I think I should start evaluating my life again.

I want my life to be of higher quality in terms of community contribution and mental development. I guess when I have more time on Saturday starting next month, I can start working out towards these two targets. =)


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So many people leaving the country. So many of them leaving to Australia. I'm starting to miss CP and Dr Lim already. Called up Dr Lim last night and chatted with her. She is still bubbly and friendly. Happy to at least hear her voice before she flies to Australia.

So many people I know are staying in/migrating to/planning to stay forever in Australia. Maybe one day I will fly there for a vacation and visit all of them =P.

And did I mention nowadays I have this bitter feelings when I see planes in the sky? Last time planes reminds me of happy reunions. But now, they only reminds me of the pain of permanent departure. Summore on the way to Glenmarie one will never fail to see a plane with such close distance you will feel as if it is just another car passing by above you, not on the solid ground but in the air.

Of Frankenstein and Van Gough

Actually when I was typing in previous post that I am trying hard to live my life. I mean I am trying really hard but didn't mean I manage to live my life. I feel lost, empty, depressed (again), useless and alone (nobody to depend on). And I dun feel like doing anything.

I started walking alone in Pyramid again before meeting up Yun Ying. First time after the break up. And the familiar lonely feelings came back to me when I saw loving couples pass by. But this time, I have no one with me. Which makes me feel even more lonely. And the pain was then gradually building up again. I think it did not start when I walked alone in Pyramid last night. I had this empty feeling few days ago especially when I'm driving coz you cant do other stuff to keep yourself occupied when you're driving. And the only thing you can do when you are driving is to think which either brighten up your mood or dampen your mood. My mindset automatically chose the second. How pessimistic. (I'm not always cheerful as some of you might think)

I suddenly found something fresh to occupy my soul when I saw the painting stall in Pyramid new wing last night. It was the Starry Starry Night by Vincent Van Gough, my favourite painting. If you read my blog very long time ago you will know, else, just see here for more detail.

It was staring at me from the ground floor when I was at the second floor going to Popular Bookstore. I got attracted to it. Headed to ground floor instead of the bookstore. RM300 per piece. Even though it's just a fake, but it's still too expensive for me. So this idea came to me. How about draw a painting for my room deco so that my room will be brightened up a bit? Cool idea right? Hehe. But I still thinking wanna draw Starry Starry Night or not. Coz if you know the story of Van Gough, you will know how lonely this painting represents. I duwan it to amplify my loneliness.

And then I walked back to Popular again. Came out with a box of Buncho crayon and a piece of thick drawing paper. Mum, if you're reading this dun nag me for buying the crayon when I can take free good quality crayon from home. Coz I cannot tahan already ma.. Wanna fast fast draw liao ma. Hehe. Cannot wait until bro passes it to me. Dun worry, it's a medium size box, not the big one. Wont be as expensive.

So this is my personal mini project. A painting for room deco. =)


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Forgot to write the review on this book I just finish reading.

Next. By Michael Crichton.


This cover is the one I have. Got it in MPH warehouse sales at lower price. RM20+ if not mistaken.

But I think this cover looks more appealing. Hmm..


I love this book!


He argues about the ethical problem that will arise from genetic engineering in a very Frankenstein manner. He tells it in short interlinked stories which is surprisingly pretty persuasive to me. I hate novels which are draggy (like Lord of the Ring). This novel has a fast pace, fast enough to keep me awake to read it. =P And it is addictive enough to keep me reading it when I was waiting for traffic lights while driving. Hehe. Ok ok. No more reading when driving now since I've already finish reading it.

He even put 7 pages of references (mostly journals) at the last few pages of the book. And he also put 8 pages of his own opinions on the gene patenting, use of human tissues, gene testing, bans on some genetic researches in some countries and the Bayh-Dole act. Very scientific feel. Makes me feel so sciencesick (derived from homesick. hehe)


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Oh. Talking about science fictions. I bought several old 1980s science fictions from the bookfair in 3K Subang Jaya long time ago before I graduated. And the first few pages already brought me plenty of cold sweat. The story is about the world in 2030. And this sentence talking about how hightech the typewriter will be in 2030... When I saw this sentence I suddenly lost my "apetite" to continue reading the book. I's like, hello? We dun use typewriter anymore now. We use PDAs if you want hightech for heaven's sake. lol. I'm bad.

And after that I swore to myself I will never ever buy old outdated science fictions again. Ever.


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And talking about typewriter. Ah~~ Sweet memories. I miss the 'keching' sound when it got to the next line. Hehe. And I miss how I hate stucking my fingers into the holes in between the buttons. It peeled my skin. And the tapping sounds of the sticks (dunno how to call it). And how I always liked to touch the ink strips when I was wondering where the printed words came from. I was 9... I was just playing around with the typewriter =)

p/s: For those of you who are too young to know how a typewriter looks like. =P It looks like this:

Arrr Chuu!!

There's a saying that nobody can sneeze with open eyes. How true it is I dunno. But I know I cant see the road when I'm sneezing for that moment when I'm driving.

These few days since last week I had been sneezing while I'm driving. Can you imagine how bad it can be? My eyes automatically closed when I sneezed. Summore hor, every time my nose choose to sneeze when I'm at junctions or when I'm changing lanes. Sigh. Dunno is it something superior up there wanna have fun on me or what.

Or maybe I should go have a vacuum for my car? But I just had it 2 weeks ago only wor. Wasting money le vacuum car. Sigh. But it was also 2 weeks ago I had my car washed. hehe. Yalah. The same time la. Abuthen. After the car wash I let the rain do its job whenever my car is dirty lo. Free car wash ma. And no need waste energy to wash myself also. hehee..

But I think it might be a sign to me that it IS time for me to for car wash and vacuum already.

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Aku mau pergi Gunung Irau! (Translate: I wanna go Mount Irau!) Adrian from Raleigh is inviting all his Facebook friends for a trek and camp at Gunung Irau.

According to this blogger Gunung Irau is like the fusion of the forests in the movies Lord of the Rings and Charlie Chocolate Factory. Because. It is MOSSY. It's near Cameron there. So it will be cooling and I think it will be freezing cold at night. And the moss! It is mainly due to the low temperature there I think.

I went to google the pictures of Gunung Irau right after I heard about the camp. The spooky pictures of mossy trees and rocks attracted me a lot! Coz from the pictures it really looks like some temperate countries la. It's so not Malaysia. lol. But one thing about this mountain is that it better dun rain during the trek. Coz it will get really really muddy.


Spooky or not? Like those scary movies. But I like how the branches interlink each other and form a pretty artistic picture.


Mossy brances, roots and trunks


Very mossy roots


Ferns!!


Ferns again! =D


This is an example of how muddy the trek can be. Wow. I cant wait! (Zhuang must be wondering now what kind of freak I am wanting so much to drench in the mud. lol)

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Went to sing K with my girls and their boys yesterday (lol. Such a funny way to address them) It was for Get Pei's birthday celebration. =)



Hehe. See any difference in me? I wore a DRESS! First time wearing it to friend gathering. lol..


And WY hair was shocking-ly "yeh" =P Spiky one le. Summore dyed dark red colour. Sexy.


The guys.

Do herbal products really work?

Had always wanted to find the lyrics of this song -- 会呼吸的痛. But always forgot about it. The chorus part, especially the highlighted part, is really matching my feeling. Every thought of him pain my heart so much that I think I cant breathe anymore. The breathless feeling is so usual to me now that I am used to it already. Sigh. I miss him.



在东京铁塔　第一次眺望
看灯火模仿　坠落的星光
我终於到达　但却更悲伤
一个人完成　我们的梦想

你总说　时间还很多　你可以等我
以前我不懂得　未必明天　就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛　它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛　看你的信会痛　连沈默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛　它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛　恨不懂你会痛　想见不能见最痛

没看你脸上　张扬过哀伤
那是种多么　寂寞的倔强
你拆了城墙　让我去流浪
在原地等我　把自己捆绑

你没说　你也会软弱　需要依赖我
我就装不晓得　自由移动　自我地过

我发誓不再说谎了　多爱你就会抱你多紧的
我的微笑都假了　灵魂像飘浮著　你在就好了

我发誓不让你等候　陪你做想做的无论什么
我越来越像贝壳　怕心被人触碰　你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了


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Ok. Change topic from the personal one.

I went to a seminar about HPLC in UPM today presented by Dr Mustafa Ali Mohd from UM and Dr Rod McIlwrick from Merck Damstardt, Germany. Dr Mustafa gave us an extra talk on the traditional herbs and medicines trend in Malaysia. I can't agree more on what he was telling us. Was keep nodding enthusiastically when listening to his speech. What he had been telling us is always my worry towards what my mum and relatives had been doing and believing.

Dr Mustafa said, people tend to think that herbs will not give side effects like modern medicines. Some traditional herbs seller even claim that their product are natural and has no chemicals. LOL... Think about it. Even oxygen, water, carbon dioxides, charcoal, protein, carbohydrates, sugar are chemicals. How can a bottle of supplement not a chemical? Sigh. I worry the welfare of Malaysians who buy unknown materials from these so-called scientists who claim to know science.

And. People tend to believe what everyone is telling them about this Mr A who was healed from such and such disease and Mrs B who was healed from such and such cancer after consuming the product. Any proof? Any scientific proof? Are you sure it's not because of the food they took? How can you be so sure that they heal from the diseases because of the product but not from some daily life diets?

Furthermore, I keep telling my mum that dun consume something too frequent. There might be some unknown toxins in the food. We might not know, the scientific world is not so hightech until we can trace every compounds in the food. Especially those new food which is not fully researched yet. Something inside might be toxic to the body. Maybe take a bit the effect won't show or maybe for short period of time the effect wont show. Maybe 10 years later the side effect will show up. Dr Mustafa says in Malaysia because we are third world country, so that law and regulation on marketing a herbal product is quite loose. No toxicology test is needed for the new product to be marketed. As long as it is free of pathogens and heavy metals, they are "safe" to be consumed. Unlike european countries which are very strict on toxic content of any food or herbal product, Malaysia is very loose in this.

So folks, dun ever think the herbal product is THAT SAFE until you read scientific proofs on that particular plant yourselves. And one thing very important! Dun believe in everything you see in internet! If you wanna find scientific proofs, use Google Scholar. Dun use normal Google. Normal Googles normally only got advertisements. All company selling the herbal product telling nice nice words on the product.

And! Even if it is scientifically proven, you have to read properly. How many success cases? 10 in 500? or 480 in 500? If the percentage of success case is low, how can you risk you life with such plant? Dr Mustafa said that a manufacturer of a local herbal products claimed that UM has done research on this plant and showed that it can decrease the blood glucose level. But in fact, Dr Mustafa's paper stated that the plant only manage to decrease the blood glucose level by 2 seconds and then the blood glucose level will shoot up to normal again. He stated there that the lowering of the blood glucose level is not due to the secondary metabolites in the plant but the acid in the plant which makes it lower just for a while. But the companies said it can cure diabetes summore quote Dr Mustafa's work. See the marketing scam? Sigh.

People just want to earn fast money by cheating money from cancer patients. And being sick is the least everyone want. That's why people just take whatever is said to be good but did not really ask whether it is bad for health. Just belief in rumour. Sad..

My goodness. I write until so long. Hope I dun bore you with this. Hope you pass this message to anyone you know.

Scent freak

I have very unique taste for scents. Some find it very weird, some share the same taste.

1. For those who know what LB agar/broth is, I love the smell when it is being autoclaved. I mean those clean LB agar/broth, not LB waste with bacteria. Autoclave of LB waste has distinct smell of bacteria. Not as nice as clean LB. My colleagues are all very traumaed by my like towards LB smell. Haha. CY said she heard from a seminar that excessive inhalation of Trypton in LB will intoxication. hmm...

2. I just discovered that 70% ethanol has very nice smell. It exactly smells like alcohol la. And I can feel the sudden of dizziness when I sniff in the vapour. This is a good (but expensive) substitute for alcohol which has the bitter taste I dun like. Haha. I think sniffing 70% ethanol is the least risky of all coz it should be quite purely ethanol (is it?). Hehe. And ethanol is edible ma. So it should be ok gua. =P

3. I like the smell of bleach. Either chlorine in the swimming pool or the bleach from clothes washing. After contacting the bleach, the hand will smells a bit bleach. I like the smell since the day I started to like swimming. It's something like Pavlov's theory I guess. You know, the theory where bell is rang when food is served to a dog, then the dog secretes saliva whenever the bell rang. Whenever I smell bleach, I will feel the euphoria I feel when I'm swimming.



Mum had been warning me about the risk of sniffing too much chemicals coz she thinks this will lead to cancer. She might be right. Die la. I somemore go and sniff more when I find that I like the scents. Higher chances of getting a cancer? hmm.. Should I just stick to the 70% ethanol? lol.

I'll leave the discussion here. Gotta go sleep already. So tired. Nights.

Was reading Nicole's new post. It brought me tears and heartache (eh. serious one, it really hurts). And my heart feel very heavy. How can such Cambodians endured such cruelty back then? So sad...

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Just read paper today and found that Clinton's out and go to support Obama pula. Maybe this is the best resolution for her. Maybe she knows that she will lose. So the best resolution is to support the potential winner, help him to win and then she can become vice president. Clever tactic.

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Heard from Poovan that Bukit Jalil got a very nice and deep swimming pool (about 2 meters deep). Makes me feel like going there and have a swim. Hehe. Entry fee is RM5 if I'm not wrong and free on Friday but only free for a few session.

Confession to mum and dad

I'm so touched by myself.

For all these years I had been spending my parents' money. I constantly asked for money when I needed them for shopping when I was in college.

When I first started to work back in last year September. I told myself that I will stop depending on my parents. I don't want to burden them anymore. For 6 months I had been spending on my own without asking for money from my parents again. Until last month. Last month I was financially unstable again because of the car accidents. I got some financial aid from my parents. And dunno why for the first time of my life I feel bad taking money from my parents. I'm gonna save some money and return to them as soon as possible. I feel that I'm giving hardship and more burden for my parents. I don't like the feeling.

Mum, dad. Sorry for not being able to give you some pocket money every month ever since I started working. You always say you have already feel the relief when I can take care of myself financially. But, I don't think that's enough! I want to make you both live better. I want you both to live way better than what you both are having now. I will try my best to earn more money, save more money and start giving you some pocket money. Now only I know that earning money is hard. And I didn't even think twice before I spend your money. Sorry for being an immature daughter for so many years. How I hate that me back then. I will try to pay back every cent I have wasted. Sorry.

Now that I've suddenly "awoken" from my childishness, I will promise you that I will do my very best to make you both live better. Mum, dad, your daughter has grown up now. Hehe.. Am so happy that my thinking has changed so much. That's why I said I'm touched by myself. =)

A continuation on Jack Canfield's "How-to" book

This post is to continue from the previous post I had written last month, also extracting the important points from "How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be" by Jack Canfield. I think he'd written a very motivational book. Hope this helps. =)

So after you have picture your dream in your mind when you close your eyes and now that you have positive thinking already, you cannot just continue dreaming and don't do anything about it. So this is the continuation of the previous post on taking actions, overcome fear and ask for what you want. =)


1. Take action, NOW!

Nothing happens until you take action. Take action now! Quit waiting.

Quit waiting for the perfect timing, someone's permission, the absence of risks, more self-confidence and etc. There is no such thing as perfect situation. So, do it now! Take a leap. Take action and take it now. Do you want to be safe and good, or do you want to take a chance and be great? If you want to be safe, you won't take the risk, and how are you going to achieve what you want when you don't even take action to reach for your dream?

2. Don't let fear fail you

Most people let fear stop them from taking the necessary steps to achieve their dreams. If you avoid the uncomfortable feeling of fear, you will never get what you want in your life. Every time you face a fear and do it anyway, you build up that much more confidence in your abilities.

3. Ask. You won't lose anything

Ask for what you want. Jack said "You never have anything to lose by asking, and because there is something to possibly gain, by all mean ask." There are few tactics in asking for what you want.

(i) Ask as if you expect to get it. Assume you can get it. Don't ever assume against yourself.
(ii) Ask specifically and clearly. The specific amount of money you want to save, the date and time you want to spend time with your parents, the specific action you expect from you love ones.
(iii) Don't give up when you get a 'no' from what you ask. Keep on asking - even the same person you are asking - you might get a yes after several times because people will reconsider your request. This might be a rare case I think. But if you failed getting what you want from this person, ask another person then. There are over 5 billion people in the world. Someone, somewhere, sometime will say yes. So, when you get a 'no' here, say 'next'. According to Jack, those who succeed reject rejections. Losers gave up after few attempts.

I found some good examples that in this book about how successful people reject rejection and keep on asking without giving up:

(1) Abraham Graham Bell who offered the rights to the telephone for $100,000 to Carl Orton, the president of Western Union who said "What use would this company make of an electrical toy?"

(2) Google cofounders Sergey Brin and Larry Page approached Yahoo! and suggested for a merge. At that time Google was still not well-known. Yahoo! suggested that the young Googlers keep working on their little school project and come back when they had grown up. So, they were rejected. But now Google is so well-known that everyone is using it.

(3) John Creasy, a popular British mystery writer, was rejected 743 times before he sold his first book!

If you keep asking, no matter how many times you get rejected, you will eventually success.




That's all I've read up to. Still left a quarter of the book. Hehe. Stay tune. =P



P/s: I think I need to improve more on these. Somehow I still assume that I will get rejected by any scholarship programmes I apply in the future and hence I don't even take the initiative to apply for them. Have to re-programme my negative thinking already. =)

Miss my mum..

I feel very sinful. Coz I'm not going back hometown this weekend to celebrate Mother's day with my mum. When mum told me that her friend's daughters are going back to celebrate with their mother, I know mum hopes that I can go home and celebrate with her. Sigh. This is one of the reasons why I hate giving tuition.

Never mind. I will try to cancel out tuition classes on one weekend this month (maybe end of the month) to go back. Since bro is also going back end of this month. Then I might as well also go back for family reunion. But too bad, I can't take leave for end of this month.

Am homesick already. Or I should say mum-sick? lol. Coz I miss my mum very much now that Mother's day is around the corner.

Miss you mama.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Every scattered pieces are starting to fit themselves into a complete picture now. My job search. My real-time PCR results. My dream which I still believe it's there waiting for me. It might not be achieved as soon as how people around me do. But, never mind. I will slowly inch towards it. I have faith in my dreams.

Almost everything in my life are satisfying now. My students anticipation in my teaching. My boss's sincerity. My relationship with Heng. My physical appearance (Not beauty wise. hehe. It's the muscle which is building up on my arms. I really like it lo. Looks more healthy. yeay!). My relationship with mum and dad. The upcoming IW camp which is a new thing for me coz I actually never stayed in a tent before. lol. Wanna try try. hehe.


Only few not satisfying though.

First. My money. I have to pay RM200 for the International Bronze Medallion next month. So am actually trying hard to hide the 200 bucks away from my eyesight so that I won't use it. lol.

Second. My bro. Still trying hard to be closer to him. Sigh. What a lousy sister. I'm trying I'm trying.

Third. My bioclock. I got it all haywired again. Have to change it back.



I think it's the passion in life and the belief in dreams that had finally straighten my soul. It's these beliefs that made me strong within. I'm gonna make sure they always live in me. =)

Gunung Dato' - First entry

Went to Gunung Dato' as planned yesterday.

Reached the base of Dato' at around 9am as planned. And reached the top of the hill about noon as planned also. And came down the hill a bit earlier than what we planned. I think we were almost like running down the hill at the top part coz it was not very steep and when it got steeper at the bottom part we slowed down a bit. But still it took less than what we expected.

Some might wonder (including my mum)... What's so fun about climbing mountains and make your body ache all over the next day?



There are actually few reasons why I like hiking:

1. The view at the hill top. I like it when all the hard work we endured we get something magnificent at the top (even nicer if plus a bit of wind blowing)


We had them both yesterday. The view and the wind. Although a bit hazy yesterday, so the view not so clear. But the wind was so soothing until our butts were stuck to the rocks and we din wanna come down. lol. For quite a while, nobody made a sound. There's only the sound of some unknown insects and the birds chirping. Everyone was engrossed by the view.


2. The sweat. lol. I know it's damn weird la. But sweating all out makes me feels good. I know other exercises also can sweat but hehe.. remember the first reason? The view? Imagine sweating and panting and wobble knees in exchange with the magnificent view. It's just incomparable with other sports.


And omg I'm so fat. My face is sooo chubby. My goodness.


Yumin's sweat was dramatically visible lol. See:




3. The companion. Hiking alone will be very boring. Having a bunch of climbing kaki is heaven!




And there are times when we stop and look around.

5. Having a bunch of crazy climbing kaki is even better. lol. My climbing kaki are really entertaining. Wont feel so tired when climbing. lol. This is the most important of all. But if got a bit noise it will be even better. =P miss IW times. Too bad nobody was fit enough to sing when going up Dato'. lol. Everyone was physically unfit. kekeke..

Crazy climbing kaki. Especially when it comes to posing...

Yumin's seducing pose on the rock. hehe.


Elaine said "I'm not going to seduce the rock. I just wanna touch it =P"


Keen's ghost face. lol. He was very exhausted already one. Still can make face when I shoot him. Geng.




Some tree-hugging poses:


Keen fell in love with the tree...


Adam the king of monkey. The one who always comes up with weird poses. This facial expression damn geli.



Monkey pose. Nah.. actually it's supposed to be yoga pose.


Adam imitating how girls nowadays pose for pictures.


Caught in between the rocks. Help!! lol... Soh poh..

Got a lot even more funny pictures we took when we were taking rests on the way up. We took quite a lot stops actually. haha. All of us spend like about 30 minutes posing on a rock. lol. Will post up next time. Dun have them with me now. Not in my camera.


And the ultimate reason of all is that hiking is like living a life.

Don't you think so? You will be able to enjoy the magnificent view at the top if you dun give up and walk all the way up. You can adjust the speed, either run or walk or crawl, take stops or go straight on without stopping, if you are determined enough you will get to the top. We would take stops and then when we have enough rest we would continue marching on. And when we need rest again, we take some rest and at the same time enjoy everything around us. The companionship, the trees, the rock and soils, the insects, the roots. And if you had good time during the process, when you reach the top, you will miss every bit of the moments you had before you reach the top. But the moments can only be kept in photos for nostalgic purposes. I can't imagine what memories can be left to me if one day I climb a hill without enjoying the process but only merely thinking about reaching the top?

Can understand the meaning behind this?

Hehe. I had been thinking about this while I was climbing yesterday. =)

This might not be a new idea but I'm so glad at least I thought of some links between hiking and life. hehe..

I hope I can help people out of depression

I had never felt so satisfied before! I feel the satisfaction when I gave my best to motivate people around me. I hope I really manage to pull depressed people out from the dark pit.

After walking out from the depression that haunted me for 3 weeks, almost a month, the same depression that had cost me litres of tears, I find the strength to stand strong and head up against all the uncertainties I had feared all these while.

I still have the fear sometimes now. But knowing that the fear can't gain me any good, I force myself to get rid of the negative thinking (especially the thinking that "I can't do this" and "I can't do that") and try to inject as much positive message to myself as possible.

After escaping from the depression, I feel thankful to those kind people around me who gave me advices that straightened my mind. Without those reminders, I might had killed myself intentionally or unintentionally. I was that depressed. Several times I didn't want to live in this world though I still have the love from family and boyfriend. No worries, I'm ok now. I won't want to kill myself again.

This is why I want to thank these people over and over again. They saved my life indirectly.

Before I had this depression I didn't understand those people who committed suicide. I always think they are stupid and stubborn and just don't see how bright the life can be. But, I finally understand what they are going though after being in their shoes for almost a month. Because I've gone through this. When I was in the dark, I just can't find brightness no matter how hard I tried. So, I dug deeper to the dark side. I think this is what most depressed people facing.

If it's not for the help I seek from my friends, I am still digging my own grave now. So I found that what depressed people really need is people around them, close friends, mentors, lover or parents, whoever you feel comfortable to talk to, confront them and talk to them, tell them how have you been feeling and why. Don't feel embarrassed. It's about your life that you are dealing with. Sane people won't laugh at your attempt to save yourself from depression. Who don't experienced depression? Everyone does. For those who condemned you for being a cry baby over a small problem, they just don't understand how a depressed people feel. Because depressed people tend to think all the bad things don't want to let go of them, no matter how small the thing might be.

Ok. Come back to the advices you get from someone close to you. From these people around, you some might give you advice, some might not. Listen to those that can give you the strength to stand up against the difficulties.

Then, it's your turn to set it straight. Whatever problem you are facing, belief that you can solve it and that you can solve it beautifully. Tell yourself over and over again that you can do it, you can go through it. Then, imagine how will you be like after you've solve the problem. Will you be happy? Will you be respected? Will you be successful? Will you get the position you want? Repeat the vision you imagined again and again in your head until you really belief that this vision is going to happen soon. By now, you should be able to walk out from your depression.

This is how I walked out. I hope it really help. I wanna pass this on so that I can save people from the hell I had gone through. And the thought of being able to help people from depression give a sense of happiness and satisfaction.


Life is so beautiful, again.


OMG. I'm addicted to motivating people now. =)

Are you depressed?

Have you ever wonder what you should do to be successful? Or are you not satisfied with your life now?

I'm reading a book called "How to get from where you are to where you want to be" by Jack Canfield. Although I heard the idea 6 years ago, reading this book is reminding me the insight again and hence inspired me again, after 6 years, with a more open heart.

6 years back when I was in A-levels, I read a book called "Study smart, not hard". It suggested readers to close the eyes, meditate, and visualise the future you desire. Think of beautiful, happy and good stuff. Think of you being successful, respected, rich, healthy and happy. Think of the big house you want to own, the Mercedes you want to drive, the big corporate you want to own. And you will get what you want. I was very close-minded that time. The moment I read this idea, I threw the book aside and never touch the book again because I thought it's a bunch of bullshit. Because I think visualising things is not going to get us anywhere. I only belief that only the real action is.

Maybe I didn't finish the book. Maybe after that chapter that book is going to teach people how to strive for the visual dream we created. I should have finish that book.

Nevermind. The same idea approached me again through Law of Attraction. And from this law, I earned some encouragement. Or maybe I should call it insight instead of encouragement. I finally able to pick up the determination to motivate myself to stop myself from being depressed. So, I bought this new book, to motivate myself. This "How to get from where you are to where you want to be" book.

Maybe most people already know this idea. But I'm sure there are still many people who are lost and don't know where we should head to. This post is specially dedicated to those of you who feel this way. Hope this post can motivate you or at least cease your depression because I understand the feeling, the I-want-to-give-up-everything feeling. Although sometimes I still have the low self-esteem on and off now, and got myself in dilemma again, I force myself to think positive. Because thinking positive can raise our self-esteem and we will then feel good about ourselves no matter how bad the situation had become.

Think positive!

This is what Law of Attraction suggests.

The "How to" book also suggested similar idea but in a different way. It says Believe in yourself! Those who win are those who think they can. So, this also means we should be in positive mode. Then only we can believe we can, right? =)


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According to the "How to" book, 99% of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses. So, stop blaming and stop complaining. You take full responsibility on what had happen to your life. If your life sucks, it's your fault. Not any one else's. Why? Because, everything you experience today is the result of choices you have made in the past. What happen to your life is mainly affected by 3 things: your actions, your thoughts and the images you visualise.

If you think negative, you life will screw up.
If you can only imagine bad things ahead, bad things will come to you.
If you laze around, you know what's gonna happen next.

So your life is like shit? What should you do now then? Identify what have you been doing wrong that has caused this. And then stop this habit! If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always got. Step out of your comfort zone. It's up to you to make the change, to do something different.

It is hard at first because it requires strong determination and discipline. And in order to try whether making the change can work, you must be willing to take the risks.


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Everyone must have a fixed dream in mind. What you want your future to be like? Visualise it in your mind as detailed as it can be. Close your eyes and picture these in your head:

In the future....

1. Your income. How much money you wanna have?
2. Your home. The colours of the walls, the furnitures, the yard, your rooms, any swimming pools? And etc..
3. What kind of car you driving
4. Your ideal job. Where are you working? Working as what? With who? Is it your own business?
5. Your recreational time. What you do during your free time? With friends? Or family?
6. Your ideal health condition. Are you healthy? How long do you live to? Are you energetic?
7. Ideal relationship with family and friends. How is the relationship with family? And with friends? What kind of things do you do together?
8. Self improvement. Are you taking some course? Like some art classes or get back to school or attending workshops? Do you want to travel to other countries?
9. The community you live in. What community you live with? Do you join the community activities? Do you volunteer in charity? Who are you helping? How often do you participate in these activities?

Clarify your vision of your ideal life. Write down and clearly picture these in your mind everyday so that you can focus on your vision.


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And don't limit your dreams. Dream big. And then belief that anything is possible, so does your dream. Don't ever doubt your dreams. Don't go "I dun think my dream is gonna happen coz it's just too unrealistic." If you think it is possible, then your subconscious mind will allow yourself to work towards it no matter how hard it is. If you think it is impossible, then your subconscious mind will give up and you will have no motivation to strive towards your dream. Then your dream will never happen. In order to make yourself think that your dream is possible, you must belief in yourself. Believe that you are capable to make this dream come true. Don't waste your time believing you can't.


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Oh ya. By the way, don't be ashamed of your big dream. People won't laugh at your dream, and they shouldn't. If your friend says your dream is too unrealistic, you should feel sorry for them because they don't dream big and they don't have the set of mind that can belief that anything can be made possible. If your friends also dream big, they won't think your dream is stupid or too unrealistic.



That's all for today. hehe. Coz I actually haven't finish reading this book. Got something else to settle lately. Otherwise I can finish this book in one day. lol.



p/s: I'm gonna go dig out the "Study smarter, not harder" book when I go back hometown.


p/p/s: I wanna thank my mum, Hao Wei, Adam and Chung Ming for giving me solid advice which gave me the motivation to walk out from depression. Wanna thank also Heng, my dad, my 2 aunties who worried and cared about me and willing to be there for me when I was depressed. Thanks Zhuang and Choo Peng who threw me a lot of questions allowing me to find my dream. And also wanna thank those who are willing to listen to my troubles: Audrey, Ley Hian, Val and Chee Hui. Without you all I can't find my way out from the dark depression.