I almost killed myself today. Yes, you didn't see it wrong, I mean suicide.
It was the stress from honours year final presentation. I just couldn't think of a way to solve it. My mind kept telling me, just finish it off and you won't have to face the stress anymore. I was heading to my supervisor (Dr Omar)'s office while thinking of any solution for the problem. Then, I couldn't think of any. When I walked up the stairs in Monash, I felt like jumping down (though it's only 2nd floor, won't got me killed actually).
Actually should thank Dr Omar. He saved my life indirectly. Although he didn't really answer my problem and didn't gave a clear solution for my problem, he kept assuring me 'it is ok', 'don't worry', 'it is good enough', 'at least you got one clear trend in your results', 'try explain it in a better way'. The thoughts of ending my life suddenly vanish.
Then, I started to think, Honours year is just one short year. Compared with my whole life, it is almost negligible. The mistakes, the shame, every bad things that might happen during this year especially in the presentation is actually one very small and hence negligible thing in my life. Then, I imagine, maybe 10 years later when I think back, this is just nothing compared to other crisis in the future awaiting me.
It's just a small matter anyway. Since I already reached this step, just face it and see how to present my mistakes and admit it.
But, now still quite fragile...Still got a bit shakey. Hmm...better dun think so much...
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5 comments:
Think of death? What a way to start ur blog! hehe
Huh,finally you start your own!
I suppose you just learn a biggest lesson in your life.
Thats the most stupid thought that you ever have,to end yourlife.
Ha~
I'm glad that you find your way out.
Don't forget,this is a beautiful world.
Look at the bright side alright. :)
be brave..:) jia you..
I am glad that you finally shook that suicide thought off your mind. I also have stress in my studies, even though I am not doing any hounours. All my friends will graduate end of this year, but I can only graduate next year in July, because I failed one unit last year, and the school gave me another chance earlier this year to resit. I passed, but because I was a late addition to the 4th year student list, they cant arrange a pharmacy placement for me. so I will graduate one semester later than other students.
but still I gotta accept this fact. I cant just kill myself because of this. Parents will be sad and they will regret sending me overseas to study.
随随便便死了就很没有尊严
好好做人喔！
Thanks everyone! I'm ok liao...Dun worry. It's just a small matter anyway. Fail ma fail lo... At least I'm trying my best
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